Between Happy and Heartbroken
by mallorythewriter
Summary: Set after 4x21. Elena doesn't know why she's dancing with Damon. Summary sucks, please read.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm horrible. I should be working on updating Dark Memories and Desperate Whispers. But I had this idea and I really wanted to write something from emotionless Elena's POV. Also, I wrote this in a different format than usual. The dialog is actually correctly spaced and it's in present tense. So… enjoy?**

I'm not supposed to feel anything. And I don't, not really. I feel his hands on my waist, his breath against my neck. I feel the physical things; the quickened pace of my heart and the slight arousal. But that's all. I wonder what Damon is feeling. Probably something between happy and heartbroken. He probably thinks this is progress. Maybe it is. I'm actually not sure why I'm dancing with Damon. For once I don't have a motive. I'm just dancing. I've been following this rule: if it feels good, do it. And for some reason this feels good.

His love for me is practically palpable. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. The old Elena wouldn't really know either. A part of her would be ecstatic and in love with this feeling. But a smaller, still relevant part of her would be terrified by how utterly real it all is. I don't have to worry about that though. I don't have to worry about anything.

My mind begins to wander as we sway together. I assume Damon is wrapped around my finger at this point. In fact, he always is. With one word I could break his heart a million times over, but I don't. I'm too tired.

"What do you feel, Elena?" He whispers.

"Nothing." I reply, resting my head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I let them hurt you." He mumbles, referring to the week's previous events. They'd all ganged up in an attempt to torture my humanity out of me.

"I don't care." And I didn't. Not about his apology. Not about anything.

"I know."

"Then why are you apologizing?"

"Because I'm sorry."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"Not to you."

"Not to anyone." I correct.

"I won't let it happen again."

"I don't care."

"I won't let them hurt you again."

"I don't care."

"I'll always protect you."

"Stop."

"Why?"

I pull away. I don't like the way he's looking at me. I don't like the concern in his eyes, the emotion, the love.

"I don't want you to protect me, Damon." I say harshly. "I don't care if you're sorry. I don't love you, so stop."

He looks hurt but not surprised. I'm relieved he's hurt. Maybe now he'll stop saying things he probably doesn't even mean to. Only an idiot would be so vulnerable in front of me. Sure, the old Elena would kiss him and whisper that she loves him. But I'm not her.

"Not right now." He says gently.

It reminds me of when I told him we couldn't be together; that it wasn't right. He told me it was right, just not right now.

"Not ever. I've never loved you and I never will." I lie.

The truth is old Elena did love him. She always loved him. It scared her how much she loved him. So she hid from it until she couldn't anymore. I don't love him anymore though. I barely remember what love feels like.

He doesn't say anything. There really isn't much to say. He can't call me out on my bluff, because he probably thinks I'm telling the truth. Damon is easy to break. He doesn't think anyone really loves him. All you have to do is remind him. Now that I don't feel anything, I don't know if anyone does love him. It occurs to me that old Elena would be disgusted by my behavior. She'd cup Damon's face in her hands and apologize for everything I've said.

"I don't care if you love me." He says. "I just want you to love _someone. _I don't care if it's Bonnie or Caroline or, hell, even Stefan."

"Why do you care? With the sire bond gone I'll only go back to Stefan." It isn't true.

"Because I love you."

"That's pathetic."

"I don't care." He replied, stealing my line.

A part of me wishes neither of us had said anything, so we could still be dancing. A bigger part wishes I'd never came. I plan to say something completely ruthless, but the words I'm actually thinking come out instead.

"Are you honestly willing to spend an eternity trying to get the old Elena back?"

"Yes." He replies.

I shake my head. It's almost sad. Almost.

**A/N: So? Thoughts? This is meant to be a one shot but I'm willing to continue if anyone wants me to. Thanks for reading, please R&R!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I hope this chapter isn't too confusing. It's set in 4x21 **_**before **_**chapter one, if that makes sense. Anyway, this story will continue with a humanity-less Elena and will sort of diverge from the canon universe. **

_Damon was looking at me more intensely then anyone ever had before. His face was covered in guilt and I wanted to comfort him but I couldn't. He had a reason to be guilty. How could he have done that, just left me alone? I didn't have many people left, I couldn't lose him too. Didn't he know that?_

"_Where were you, Damon?" The words slipped out._

"_I'm sorry," He said, his voice thick with guilt and regret. "I shouldn't have left."_

_He met my gaze. _

"_I promise you, I will never leave you again." _

_I nodded, as did he. We were in agreement. Neither of us were going anywhere._

"She's had enough, Stefan." I can hear Damon's voice echo from the other room. "This obviously isn't working."

A smirk forms on my face. I win.

"We don't have any other plans." Stefan replies.

I wonder if he enjoys it; torturing me. I could see it in his eyes for a moment. He was getting his revenge and the tiniest part of him was happy about it.

They return to living room, wearing the same stern expressions as they had before. But I can see the guilt in Damon's eyes. I can break him.

Stefan pulls back the curtain again. As the sun burns my skin, I make sure to scream louder than before. It hurts like hell, so it's easy to play it up. I make eye contact with Damon. My expression screams "help me". I don't want his help. I don't need his help. But I'm hungry and Damon is easy. He loves too much. It's his Achilles heel.

"Stefan," He tries, not taking his eyes from mine.

I wail again, faking as much emotion as I can. It's convincing, considering the physical pain is real.

"Stefan, stop." Damon demands.

"If it's working we have to keep going." Stefan says.

"Close the curtain, Stefan."

I'm almost surprised by how serious his tone is.

Stefan does as he says, but glares angrily.

"If you aren't strong enough to do this, leave."

"Damon," I rasp. "Stop. Please."

"Don't listen to her." Stefan argues.

But it's too late. He's wrapped around my finger. I've got him now and I'm not letting go. God, it's so easy to use him.

"Let's just give her a break." Damon says.

"I knew she'd get to you. Damon, this is the only option we have left, we can't stop now."

Damon looks from Stefan to me. I just stare back at him. After a moment he leans down and unchains me.

"Damon," Stefan warns.

Damon ignores him and picks me up. I let myself fall limp in his arms. I hate using his pity to get blood but I'm too hungry to care. Besides, I can go after him later. Once I've gotten all the blood I need I can break his heart a few times. I'm not sure why he keeps coming back for more.

I'm not sure if I'm hallucinating or not but I swear I hear him whisper in my ear.

"I will never leave you."

**A/N: I know this didn't follow the episode at all but as I said, this story won't really match up with the actual episodes. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, I'm so glad I continued this! The next chapter will take place after chapter two, sorry if this whole thing is confusing. This should be the only chapter that's not in chronological order. Thanks for reading, please leave a review to keep me going!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So, this chapter is pretty short. Sorry about that, and the fact that I haven't updated in awhile. Schools been pretty busy. Anyway this chapter may seem a little pointless but I like it. I have a lot of ideas for chapter four, so that should be up in a bit.**

It's funny how something that once meant everything to you can suddenly mean nothing. I think there's a reason people aren't built this way. I'm not sure what it is though. I guess that's the difference between vampires and people. Humans can't live without humanity. They'd be nothing, they'd crumble. But vampires don't need it. In fact, it makes them weaker. It makes them like Damon and Stefan and all the others. They care too much for their own good. It's pointless.

Damon doesn't need to be following me right now. He could be drinking, whether it be blood or bourbon. He could be with anyone, someone who actually wants him. But instead he's here, walking behind me as if I can't hear him.

"What do you want, Damon?" I ask in a monotone voice.

"Well, for one, you could slow down."

"Can't keep up?".

He scoffed.

"Leave me alone.".

"What's wrong, Elena? Starting to feel something?"

I stop in my tracks, turning around.

"Yes."

He raises a brow, a tiny spark of hope igniting in his eyes.

"I feel like I want to rip your throat out." I say plainly, watching with satisfaction has the hope dies.

"The feeling is mutual." He responds.

"Really?" I say with a laugh. "Wasn't it you who was just saying how much you loved me and how sorry you were?"

He doesn't reply. I smirk and start walking again. His footsteps utter behind me. I roll my eyes.

"You're the one who-"

"What? Danced with you? Stefan and I did the same thing at prom. He did a better job though. I almost felt something for a second there." It's a lie, I didn't feel anything. But I never do.

He doesn't look hurt. His face doesn't even change. But somehow I know he is and I don't like it. But it doesn't matter that I don't like it.

I turn to leave even though I know he'll stop me. He always stops me. I wait for him to say something, anything. Or grab my arm. But he doesn't. So I keep walking.

I walk until I realize he isn't following me anymore.


End file.
